may be this is life

I wonder is everybody's life fucked up? Maybe yes. I only can see my life, it is 100% true. You cannot see others life. Even if you have partner you can't see their life. Every minute people are going through different situations. That's good if you can't see others life. If you do so you will have to manage 2 lifes. That's what I did. But after some point of time I started forgetting myself and started looking into someone's life. When you realize you have gone so far you will find difficulty in coming back to your life. Talking about life is so important. But it should be your life. We judge all the actions which were happend in our entire life. We pass comments on the past. You feel happy about the past. You may feel fucking sad when you think about your past. Time is moving our age is moving so you have to move along with it. In every age you will have to do something to remember in the coming years. Actually you don't have to do anything, something will happen you just have to be with it. I go through a lot of memories every day. But nothing is special now. As usual everything is going. I just can't feel anything. In a point of time, you will have to be alone. Just to feel what is loneliness. I was always a lonely guy. Being avoided by people, made me feel lonely. If I count every one who is associated with me, there are lot of people. But nobody is along with you when you are alone. I get too narrow sometimes, I feel scared sometimes, all are having their own team. People are balancing in all team. Not to break the team and don't let others go the bad situation. Here I'm. Staying alone near to different teams. I always tell myself whatever happens, it is fine. This has to be a phase of life. I have been through different stages in my life. I had a good village life, good school life, great college life and incredible masters life. Whenever I go to the next stage I forget the past. With new people, new atmosphere every thing. That's why I can't keep friends. Maybe they are leaving or I'm leaving from them. So I started cutting off the media's, reducing the time I spent on the phone. Reading books like a revenge. Feeling bad rest of the time. I too got some friends. A bangali gang. This has a four years of bond. Shubayu, sinjan, sanchar. Weekends I come here. This like my second home. Earlier pondy was a second home. I had good family over there. Maybe I miss the family. Yes I fucking had a family. Full of joy, full of problems, full of love. I will miss that family forever. I can't imagine how much I will miss. Ah life has to be full of mess. And why do you need people around you. You have to be alone for certain point of time. So you will learn so many things. You will be capable of doing things alone. You will think about your life. You will know what you want. You will work for it. You will try to get out of the fucking loneliness. But it is difficult to get out of loneliness. Someone has to take you out of it. By giving mental support. Fun, care, love etc. In some people's life they will try to get out of loneliness. They will grab some hand s which are available to grab on. They may try to hold you. You may feel safe in their hands. Then slowly you will be in a different life. Try to balance that relationship. Both the people should try to balance the life. There are lot of things which are going to come along if you are with your partner. So you should work as a team to solve the problem. So people can "they lived happily ever after"